After a number of years in a committed relationship, it becomes more difficult to get a balance between the domestic and the erotic. Many woman visit our
consulting rooms complaining about a boring and less frequent intimate life. The biggest problem shown with the opening statement is that people still have a mythical expectation, that sex should always be blissful and spontaneous. As woman get older and domestic responsibilities gets less due to the kids becoming more independent, they are usually confronted with the absence or
lack of intimacy. This realization may trigger a massive relationship crisis and
questions about the quality of the relationship. If the couple cannot resolve this, many emotional and relationship problems develop, usually through escalating conflict, insecurities about being loved, or in worse cases an extra marital affair.
The most important realization should be: We all go through different
developmental phases in life. And we need to adapt to the demands of every
new developmental phase. If you try to apply what was working during
previous phases, you might be surprised to find yourself in a dark place, due to the same solutions not working with the new demands of the new phase which you have entered in your life and relationship.
Consulting Rooms:
308 Nicolson Street Tel: 012 346 4760
Brooklyn, PRETORIA Fax: 012 346 6455
South Africa Cell: 083 454 2000
My Sexual Health Clinic
2 Eton Road
Bryanston
email: drviljoen@mweb.co.za
Dr Eugéne Viljoen
Registered
Clinical Psychologist/Kliniese Sielkundige
B.Sc.,B.Sc Honns (Physiol), B.Sc. Honns (Psych), M.Sc. Clin
Psych, Ph.D
European Certified Sexologist (ESSM/EFS)
PR:8614792
HPCSA 0026077
As we mature in our relationships we become more entrenched in our separateness and careers. He is doing his thing and you might be doing you’re
thing. If this is not realized and celebrated, a feeling of loneliness and emotional insecurity starts to develop. This is one of the biggest passion killers of our time. This is when couples start to ignore each other and deny the fact that a gap starts to develop in the relationship. The solution would be to acknowledge the individual differences in what they are busy with, celebrate these differences, as well as your new connection to yourself. Do not qualify your identity only in relation to your partner. Support each other in order to keep the intimacy alive.
Intimacy can grow through repetition, but eroticism gets numbed trough
repetition. Eroticism feeds your sexual energy. Eroticism will thrive when you start feeding the mysterious, or the unexpected. Frequently a change of scenery from where you have habitual sexual interaction will make a difference. Make erotic suggestions to your partner, as he would love you more when you also take initiative. It will make him feel wanted, sexually attractive and affirm his value as a lover in the relationship. Change your sexual position and try to find a new favorite sexual position by employing and enhancing all your senses, ie, smell, visual, hearing, taste, and skin sensations.